Can I Tell My Uncle That His Gay Daughter Is Struggling?

What is ethical here?

View in browser|nytimes.com Continue reading the main story June 6, 2020 Illustration by Tomi Um   The Ethicist Can I Tell My Uncle That His Gay Daughter Is Struggling? The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on whether to share private information about a cousin with family members from whom she is estranged — and more. By Kwame Anthony Appiah I come from a large family with beliefs across the political spectrum. An older gay cousin of mine recently posted on her private Facebook page some sensitive information about a recent breakup and her unstable mental health. In the post, my cousin revealed that she has been working multiple jobs to pay for school and is looking for a therapist to help her cope. This post made me worried. I do not have a close relationship with this cousin, as she has detached herself from most of my family. While many of us are accepting of her, her father is politically conservative and homophobic. My cousin severed her relationship with her father and stepmother some time ago. Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT My uncle (her father) is affluent and previously offered to help finance my cousin’s education and alleviate some of her financial stress. Also, while my uncle remains a fiscal conservative, he has gotten better at keeping an open mind, though I’m certain that if he were to contact his daughter, things would be awkward and rocky. I want to help my cousin but don’t want to invade her privacy or interfere with her relationship with her father. However, I feel I have an obligation to share this information with my uncle and family. In the post, my cousin mentioned that she would love to get coffee with any of her Facebook friends. Should I remain loyal to my cousin (who obviously had some level of unspoken expectations when she accepted my friend request) and not tell anyone and perhaps offer to meet for coffee? Or do I have an obligation to alert my uncle of my cousin’s predicament? I don’t have much of a relationship with my cousin, but I do with my uncle and would like to maintain my relationship with him and his family. What is my ethical obligation in this situation? Read the Ethicist’s response here. THIS WEEK’S MAGAZINE Illustration by Señor Salme   Feature Fear, Illness and Death in ICE Detention: How a Protest Grew on the Inside Detained men and women held at a facility in Georgia are trying desperately to raise the alarm. By Seth Freed Wessler Martin Meissner/Agence France-Presse — Getty Images   German Soccer Tries to Kick Off a Comeback for Pro Sports The Bundesliga has now played three dozen games under a coronavirus-inspired protocol. Can it help show leagues around the world how to get back in action? By Bruce Schoenfeld Photo illustration by Matt Dorfman. C.G. work by Justin Metz.   What Will College Be Like in the Fall? Administrators, professors, a union representative and students consider the new realities of life on campus in the midst of a pandemic. By Emily Bazelon Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT MORE FROM THE MAGAZINE Gentl and Hyers for The New York Times (Photography and Styling)   Eat You’ll Put This on Everything Sweet, salty, intensely citrusy and pleasingly tart, lemon goop amplifies any dish. By Dorie Greenspan Illustration by Najeebah Al-Ghadban   Screenland The Eerie Sound of Sports Without Fans Professional sports are returning — to empty stadiums where you can hear birds sing. The game is the same. Watching it isn’t. By Jody Rosen Photo illustration by Ina Jang   Diagnosis The Boy Slumped to the Floor. Could These Be Seizures? Antiseizure medications didn’t help, and his episodes don’t look like cataplexy. A girl has these same episodes. Could this help them find answers? By Lisa Sanders, M.D. Olivia Locher for The New York Times   Letter Of Recommendation How Shakespeare Paperbacks Made Me Want to Be a Writer The more you read, the more you realize Shakespeare is woven into the fiber of the English language. By Tana Wojczuk Stay in touch: Follow us on Twitter (@NYTmag) or check us out on Instagram. Appreciated this email? Forward it to a friend and help us grow. Loved a story? Hated it? Write us a letter at magazine@nytimes.com. Did a friend forward this to you? Sign up here to get the magazine newsletter. Listen to narrated versions of our articles every week. Download Audm for iPhone or Android. Continue reading the main story Need help? Review our newsletter help page or contact us for assistance. You received this email because you signed up for The New York Times Magazine from The New York Times. To stop receiving these emails, unsubscribe or manage your email preferences. Subscribe to The Times |Get The New York Times app Connect with us on: Change Your Email|Privacy Policy|Contact Us The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018